Matt's Lullaby
by Pomodoro Crisi
Summary: Matt's family life isn't perfect. his father thinks he's his, his mother hates him for something he did before he was born, and he thinks everything is his fault. eventually MattMello. inspired by Mordred's Lullaby, not a song fic.
1. Matt

You would have thought that living with my parents for my entire life I would be used to the yelling, the screaming, the abuse, but that was the biggest lie I had ever heard and I'd been brought up on lies. Loving parents? Didn't exist in my world. Normal family life? What was that? Happiness? Did that even exist to begin with? How sad it was for a fourteen year old boy to have no idea what it was like to be happy.

I came home directly after school like every other day. Not doing so made things worse than they already were. Even a minute late would be the cause of…well, I didn't want to be late. Something was different today. I couldn't hear my parents screaming through the perfectly kept walls of our house. Those were lies too, there was nothing perfect here but the house itself. A guise to keep the neighbors from asking questions. Wouldn't want anyone to figure out Daddy's dirty little secret now would we?

But the lack of screaming was…terrifying. There was always screaming, it was what let me get to my room and finish my homework quickly before…shit. No screaming meant Mom wasn't home. That meant…I really wanted to be late now, but that would make it worse in the end. Taking a deep breath I opened the door and peered around it, checking for anyone, or anything, moving inside. It was pitch black even though it was a bright day outside. I left the door open, staying in its protection until I came to the stairs. If I could just make it up to my room…

"Mail, where do you think you're going?" I froze, my blood running through my veins faster than was healthy. I heard a snap, my little patch of safety disappearing. I could hear him breathing behind me now, his mouth too close to my neck. I could smell the alcohol on him, it gagged me until I was forcing myself not to wretch.

"I was going to do homework Dad, I have a lot of it tonight." I don't know how I always kept my voice steady through the fear consuming my mind, but I wouldn't show him how scared I was of him. Maybe if he thought I had homework he wouldn't bother me today, my grades were slightly important to him, at least as long as we didn't have to have a conference they were.

"Don't worry about it now. You're mother's not here, we can have some fun." His lips connected with my neck and a forced the bile that rose in my throat back down.

He wasn't going to make me do homework…he was going to have fun…I wanted to cry as I recognized his meaning of fun. I wasn't going to have any fun, it was all him, making him feel good because my mother couldn't anymore. That was my fault, just like what was to come was my fault, that's what Dad always said. It was my fault my mom couldn't have children ever again, couldn't even have sex with my father. I had hurt her before I was even born, without even knowing it. And now I paid for it every day.

His teeth followed his lips and I knew I would have bruises come morning. He took my backpack and tossed it over the railing to fall at the foot of the stairs. He was going to do this again, so early, so soon after the last time. I couldn't breath, I couldn't speak, I just stood there and let him carry me up the stairs to my room. I knew what was coming when he started to undress me and then himself, I knew that I couldn't get away from him. I closed off every sense I could. I had so much practice closing myself off from this, it scared me to think that, but it was true. I couldn't block the pain though. I could always feel everything, hear everything, no matter how hard I tried. I would just close my eyes and wait for it to end as it always eventually did.

I woke up hours later, my stomach empty and my mind fuzzy, and I could still feel the pain of him being inside me, could still feel all of it. I wanted to run to the bathroom and let my empty stomach empty itself into the toilet, but that was weakness and would only result in more yelling.

I was stiff getting up, my joints cracking in protest of the sudden movement. It was dark out meaning I'd been asleep for too long. I could hear my parents downstairs, yelling like always. I dressed quickly, hoping they wouldn't hear me moving and would leave me alone. My window was still partially open, something I did to avoid the alarm going off when I snuck out at night. It didn't happen often but it was good to be prepared.

There was a tree next to my window, strong and large enough to help me get from the second story to the ground safely. My arm ached from my father's "fun" but it was nothing I wasn't used to my now, it always went away after a few hours movement. A walk to the McDonald's twelve blocks over was the perfect exercise. I had enough money for a few cheeseburgers and large fries. Grease covered in grease, exactly what I needed.

There was a blond boy sitting outside the fast-food chain, snapping off pieces of chocolate and looking around as if waiting for someone. I knew him from school though not well, he was always in trouble for fighting and his clothes – he was always wearing leather, even on the days the temperature reached a hundred. I had never spoken to him though. I felt bad when I saw him, he was always alone, like no one wanted to be near him for some reason. He didn't look like a bad person really, just intimidating and lonely. Still, Father would be mad if he knew I spoke to him, so I had every intention of walking past him, getting my food and getting home before my parents found out I left.

I let out a small yelp when he pulled me down to sit next to him. He didn't say anything at first, just eyed me warily, his eyes boring in to mine. I felt like he could see all my secrets and it was unnerving to say the least. I didn't want him to know what had just happened, what I had let happen. He would probably say it was all my fault, that I had brought it on myself, and then the whole school would know and I would never have a minute of silence. I leaned away from him, turning my eyes to the asphalt. He was silent for a minute more before finally speaking.

"It's not your fault you know." That was all he said and my eyes were glued to him again. How did he know?

"How…how did you know?" I couldn't think of anything more intelligent than that though there were hundreds of other questions floating around in my mind. He looked out at the empty street, snapping off more chocolate.

"I know the signs. And you come here more often then most guys from where you're from do. Most rich guys prefer something less…disgusting."

"I'd rather eat where less people notice me after…well, you know." I tried to play it cool, tried to hide how scary it was for someone to actually _know_ what happened at my house. He wasn't looking at me with disgust though, he wasn't looking at me as if I was something dirty that had brought this all on myself. He was acting completely different that my father had said people would if they found out.

'They would call you disgusting, laugh at you. Nothing would happen to me, they would take you to an institution. You could meet people just as fucked up as you are, you could even trade stories.'

I shivered at the memory. But this guy, this guy I had never even spoken to, wasn't calling me disgusting, or dirty. He wasn't telling me I needed help. He was…telling me it wasn't my fault… And for once I believed it.

"You want to come inside with me? It's really no fun eating my yourself and this sidewalk isn't exactly comfortable." I stood and offered my hand to help him up. I couldn't explain it but I wanted his company, even if for only an hour or two.

He eyed me, as if trying to find a trick in my offer, before taking my hand and leading the way inside. I smiled to myself, hoping this was more than just a one time deal.

Two hours and three full meals later I had found out that this guy was incredibly smart. He had straight A's, which for anyone at our school was just a bit…intimidating. He called himself Mello, but I was pretty sure it was a fake name. When he asked mine, I blanched a bit. I had thought he had known when he pulled me down to sit with him, apparently not. I told him I was Matt, if he knew any different he didn't say anything. We didn't talk about what we both knew were sensitive subjects, I think we both wanted to preserve was much normalcy as possible. I didn't ask how he knew, really how he knew. I couldn't help it, I was curious.

"I've seen you come here a lot. Usually a lot later in the night or earlier in the day. Most of the time you look horrible, like you want to drown or something. You're always wearing baggy clothes that are definitely not what someone with money would wear and I've seen your house, you definitely have money. It's like you're trying to hide behind your clothes, that if you wear things like that no one will see you. And you're right, by the way. Very few people even know you exist. It's a skill, to blend in like that. It's also a defense mechanism, and the way you use it, anyone who does notice you can tell right away what you're hiding."

He spoke like this was all supposed to be common knowledge to me, and I suppose it was. But the fact that he could tell this much about me, just by seeing me in school, was even more proof of his intelligence.

I looked at my watch, hoping it wasn't too late. It was after midnight. Fuck, my dad was going to kill me. I told Mello I had to go, and he got up with me and actually walked me home. I stared at the door before heading over to the tree I had come down earlier. He watched as I climbed up and crawled through my window. I looked over the ledge and waved. He gave a small wave back before starting back down the street.

"Mello!" I had to ask. "Are we gonna hang out in school tomorrow?" I could hear his laugh even from the corner.

"Of course! We're friends now idiot!" I smiled. I hadn't had a friend in ten years.

My smile quickly vanished when I heard my door knob being jiggled. Shit. He had heard me.

I jumped into bed, pulling the blankets up to my chin, hoping he would think I was asleep and leave. He walked in the room, standing over my bed. I forced my breathing to mimic sleep. In, out, in, out. Slowly, evenly. I repeated it over and over inside my head. He never said anything, just reached down and punched my gut hard. I whimpered slightly but kept up the act, knowing what would happen if he knew I was awake.

He gave me a few good kicks before leaving me to my pain. I didn't get much sleep that night.

The next day started like any other. A breakfast of fake smiles and polite bullshit conversation.

"So Mail, who was that blond girl I saw watching your window last night? You fucking around? Do you know what people would say if they saw you with that whore? What kind of girl wears that much leather anyway?"

Oh, Mello. Idiot couldn't even tell he was a he.

"_He_ is a friend, Dad. And I'm not fucking around. There's no point to it."

He glared at me, my mom just stared at her eggs in silence.

"Keep him away from the house then. I don't want anyone asking what some delinquent is doing on out lawn."

I wanted to say that Mello wasn't a delinquent and was much smarter than he would ever be but I knew the consequences for it. I settled for an internal rant and a few muttered curses that I was lucky he couldn't hear.

I left the house early, for once glad to be going to school. Mello was waiting on the sidewalk, snapping pieces off a chocolate bar again. I had a feeling he was carrying a good amount more in his backpack, but didn't mention it. We walked in companionable silence, neither of use really felt the need to speak. We had only known each other for less than a day and we were already more than comfortable with the other. Funny, how a shared secret could do that.

We didn't see each other much in school. He had more advanced classes and was a year above me so the only thing we shared was lunch. It was nice to sit with someone for a change, even if the food was still terrible.

We filled the hour by asking each other questions. Clothing preferences – as if it wasn't obvious – favorite pastimes, games, television shows, movies, music. We had a lot in common, I found out. I also found out his birthday was in a few weeks, and that he would rather read than go to school. I was happy to finally have someone to talk to even if it was only in school. I knew everything would be the same when I got home, but at least I had a sliver of something to look forward to.

He walked me home again after school, stopping to stare up at my house from the sidewalk. It didn't look like anyone was home, both cars were gone and I thought it was a work day for my dad so I invited him in. he stared at everything with a curious look in his eyes, making me wonder what his house was like. He never mentioned it, and I wasn't about to press him for answers. He could tell me when he felt like it.

He sat on a plush leather couch and flicked on the T.V., setting it to a news channel, the main story about some mass murderer and a detective I had heard mentioned before that was trying to catch him. Mello was completely engrossed in the program and I didn't mention my disinterest in it. I got a bar of chocolate out of the pantry and tossed it to him, he smiled his thanks before ripping a section of the silver wrapping off and snapping off a piece. I pored myself a glass of lemonade and settled down next to him on the couch.

The story was actually pretty interesting. Every victim was a criminal and had died of a heart attack, but no one knew exactly how so many were dieing so quickly. It was a bit scary. But when they showed a threat from the detective investigating the murders, I recognized who they were talking about. L. Greatest detective in the world. And suddenly I was just as interested as Mello.

Apparently L had narrowed the region the guy was killing from after only a week of being in the case. He had threatened him on live T.V. and everything and the guy, Kira apparently, was taunting him by only killing criminals in that area. Smart guy, confident.

"I'm trying to find L you know." Mello mentioned as if pointing out the weather. As far as I knew, no one had ever seen L's face, even the people who he had work for him.

"And how are you doing that?" Might as well ask, if he was so willing to share.

"I'm keeping up with this case, Kira, and when I have enough information I'm going to try and get it to L. If it's good enough I might get to meet him."

Ah. That's actually a really good idea when I think about it.

"I'm pretty good with computers, want me to help?" Sure he might say no, but it's something to get me out of the house. And I can just make up a project for Dad. Or I can say I'm taking notes to be an investigator when I'm older, he might be pleased with that.

Mello eyed me warily like the first time we had spoken, trying to discern my abilities with a computer no doubt. Seemingly appeased, he nodded.

It was at that moment that my dad decided to come home, bringing the smell of booze with him. I heard Mello gag next to me and quickly dragged him to the back door. If Dad saw him, I'd be dead. He didn't argue with being kicked out. He just gave me an understanding look before ducking out of sight. I sighed and turned to face my drunk father.

"You're home early. I thought you had work today." If I ignored him it would be worse. I tried for calm, and only just achieved it. He was shutting the door and I saw Mello give me an apologetic look before it closed. Why was he giving me that look?

I didn't have time to think as lips met mine and I was drowning in my own disgust. I held still, waiting for the end. He didn't like being ignored and pushed more forcefully against me. I whimpered and he smiled against my lips. He was enjoying my pain, the bastard.

His hands fumbled down my pants, gripping what no father should ever touch. I tried to pull away, I didn't want this, not so soon after Mello had left. What if he saw? I would never be able to look at him again. I tired to close myself off from reality but it wouldn't come. I was going to have to go through this like the first time.

He pulled away, noticing the T.V. for the first time.

"Why are you watching this shit? Hoping Kira will kill you for being so disgusting, are you?" I didn't say anything and he pulled his hand back to strike my cheek.

I could taste blood and knew it was from my lip, but did nothing. If I just let it go on it would be over faster. He hit me again and again. Kicking my ribs and stomach. I was coughing blood before he stopped. He didn't leave. He just pulled down my pants and did what he pleased.

After he was finished he had me clean up his mess, and then told me to make him dinner. He was laughing the entire time, watching the story on L. I tuned him out, refusing to listen to him complain about someone who had more success and brains than he did. I was fairly sure a rock had more brain cells than he did, but again I kept myself from saying it out loud.

I climbed the stairs to my room, hoping sleep would be easy though I knew it wouldn't be. I undressed, opening my closet for a clean pair of pants to sleep in. I almost screamed when a blond head stuck itself from behind the hangers of clothes.

"Mello what the fuck are you doing here? If my dad sees you…" I looked at the door I had left unlocked and quickly locked it before my dad decided he was bored with T.V. and came up.

Mello had climbed from the closet looking at me with an expression I didn't quite know how to place.

"Pack a bag. You're staying with me from now on." I gaped at him not sure what to say. Of course I wanted to go with him, but I didn't know if I could leave my dad here…he would kill me if he found me later.

But I felt…compelled to go with Mello, like I had just been waiting for him to come to my house and say it. After a moments hesitation I nodded and packed a good portion of my clothes, handheld games, and computer in a backpack, making sure to grab my school stuff before I followed Mello out the window.

His house was small and he explained that it was the most he could afford since he was more or less on his own. He had an aunt who sent him money every couple of weeks but it wasn't much. He also had two jobs that paid a lot but weren't very safe. He had a T.V., a computer, a kitchen with all the appliances, a bedroom, with two beds – one of which was now mine he explained.

"Why did we have to leave now though?" I asked after setting my stuff down and flopping on the bed. I didn't want to go back, but I didn't want to impose on Mello, or bring my dad's anger on him.

He stared for a moment before answering. "If you hadn't left he would have hurt you more. Have you even seen yourself? You look like you got in a fight with a truck."

I felt like I had gotten in a fight with a truck, and lost. But that still didn't explain having to leave.

As if reading my mind he answered again. "Look, I know the signs because my dad did the same thing to me. A different reason sure, but the same consequences. It took me all of twelve years to notice that he was getting progressively worse and to realize I needed to leave before he killed me. Your dad had that same look in his eyes that mine had when he tried to kill me. I wasn't going to let you go through what I did."

He sat on his bed and effectively ended the conversation. I thought about what he had said, and it made sense. What didn't make sense to me was that he hadn't had a single emotion in his voice when saying it. It was deadpan, flat, empty. I could tell there was more to the story than he was going to tell me and decided to let it drop. I was too tired for questions right now anyway.

I curled up around the pillow and was asleep before Mello even turned on the small T.V.

**A/N: OK so i don't know if this has already been done, the whole raped by his father thing, since i haven't read through every Matt/Mello story out there, and i really don't have that much time as much as i would enjoy it, but i woke up and just really wanted to write something like this. i have no idea why, but i think something like this happened to Matt before going to Wammy's just because he's always listening to Mello and he's good at ignoring his rants and stuff.**

**OK so don't hate my take on how they met or anything else that happens, which i really don't have many plans for since this is just spur of the moment... ideas are welcome though so yeah... reviews are nice **


	2. Matt and Mello

Matt

Mello's voice woke me up early the next morning. Apparently running away does not mean one can cut a day of school. I cursed myself for even bothering to bring my school bag with me when we left. Surely the whole neighborhood knew about me running away with Mello, someone was sure to tell my dad and then…well, I didn't want to think about that. Mello said I was just being paranoid when I voiced my concerns, but I could see a flicker of something behind his unconcerned expression. I hadn't known him long enough to place his emotions though, so I stored it away for another day.

We had to walk past my house in order to get there. I was more than a little worried. I wouldn't put it past my dad to have police on the lawn waiting for me. I picked up my pace when we turned on to my street and could hear Mello laughing behind me. I wanted to turn around and smack him, tell him that it was a very real possibility and he should be serious, but there was no police at my house. My dad wasn't even home. I sighed in relief and waited for Mello to catch up.

It was broiling out, I was even wearing short sleeves, and he was walking around in leather everything. Black leather pants – had no idea how he fit into those things – a black leather vest that showed just enough mid-drift that it wouldn't be dress code, leather gloves that, to be honest, I wanted nice leather boots to top it all off. He looked like a walking model with the way his hair was cut and the way he moved his hips just slightly. I could understand the clothing, he had told me he was originally from an Eastern European country, I had forgotten the name since geography really wasn't my thing, and he had grown up seeing a lot of people dressing like this and it had grown on him. I didn't question it; he was entitled to his own opinions in clothing and whatever else he pleased.

I had asked about the rosary that he wore. He didn't seem like a Holy Roller type of person from the talks we had had, however few there may be. He said he was repenting, for what I still had no clue, but again it was his secret to share when he saw fit.

I blushed when I noticed I was staring at him, and he was staring back. He gave me a look as he walked by but said nothing. I know I barely knew the guy, but something about him was drawing me in. I felt safe near him, like he would protect me. I didn't know if that was true, it was just something I felt. If it was true, well, I was going to try and protect him too. He didn't seem like he would need it though. And I wasn't much of a fighter if my father's actions were any indication. I knew if it came down to it I would try my best for Mello though. I didn't know what he meant when he was explaining why he brought me to his house last night, but it meant a lot that he would sit in my closet for several hours just to help me.

"Matt, hurry up! We're gonna be late!" he called from farther up the street. I hadn't noticed I'd stopped walking I was lost in my thoughts.

"Sorry!" I ran to catch up to him. He was snapping off pieces of chocolate. I have no idea where he gets so many, I hardly ever see him without at least one bar. I was actually surprised to see it wasn't melting in the heat.

School was torture. I never knew I could be so paranoid. Every whisper I heard I thought was about me. I told Mello this at lunch and he laughed again, telling me not to worry, but I saw the same expression cross his features as before. By now I was more than curious, but I still wasn't going to ask him. It looked like worry though…

The walk home I was more nervous. I knew my dad would be him by then and he would probably be waiting to come grab me and haul me inside. I didn't want to think of what he would do it he caught me, it was terrifying to say the least. Mello saw my apprehension though and led me through some back alleys that went around my house and ultimately led to his. It took a bit longer but it avoided the whole issue of my dad catching us.

Living with Mello was an interesting experience. He wanted me to do homework the second we got back, saying that I needed to study more. I told him about my A-B average and he fairly gaped at me. I didn't always act as smart as I was apparently.

"How do you do that if you don't study, Matt?" He was mad, since he studied constantly for his place in the advanced program.

"I just listen in class. I don't know. I never really had time to study at home and when I did have the time, I got distracted too easily so I never got past the first page of anything. But if you want I guess I can try." He nodded and I could hear crumbling coming from his side of the room.

I laughed at his agitation. It's not like we were having a competition after all. I opened an English text book and turned to the first page of the chapter we had started today. It was about Emily Dickenson. I wasn't big on poetry and she definitely wasn't one of my favorites. Some of these things were so complicated it made me mad, and I had to explain one called "Much Madness is Devinest Sense." I had no idea what that even meant.

I sighed in frustration and looked over at Mello. He was lying on his stomach reading a German novel. I remembered him mentioning he was taking a college German class and wondered if it was a popular language where he was from. He probably wouldn't notice if I started playing a game then…

I walked over to where I had dropped my bag with all my clothes in it and picked up my PSP, hiding it behind an AP Stat book as I walked past his bed. He didn't say anything so I figured I was in the clear as long as I was behind him.

"Matt you play that game before you do at least half your homework and I'll hide every single game you brought with you." Damn, he was too smart.

I gave up on English after a half hour of making no progress with Dickenson, turning instead to AP Stat. I was better with numbers anyway. Midterms were on their way to torture me and lower my GPA once again, so my teacher, in a last ditch effort to shove some type of understanding down some people's throats, had assigned us all three hundred problems of whatever her finger landed on. Half of which she had never taught and would more likely than not, not even be on the test. I knew it all so had left it until now, the day before it was due. It took a good hour – it would have been less if I hadn't kept looking over at Mello and getting distracted.

Even lying on his stomach he seemed to have this grace about him, an intimidating air that I wanted to be a part of. I knew I couldn't, that I wasn't good enough for that, but I wanted it all the same.

He caught me staring once and gave me an odd look, like he was evaluating me, before smirking slightly and turning back to his book.

It took another hour for Mello to be satisfied enough to let me play any games. He looked more than a little shocked when he noticed how focused I could get when playing but not when studying.

"You're you and I'm me. That's all there is to it." I replied to his comment. He grumbled again and I just laughed.

Our days carried on like this for a few weeks. I took care of food when he went out to work, which I found out was some bar on the side of town my parents refused to ever let me step foot in and had warned me about since I was a kid. It was kind of gross and not all too nice, but it paid well enough that he only needed to work on weekends for his other job. I had protested when I first found out where he worked, saying that it was far too dangerous for him, that he could get hurt. He just smiled and told me that he had taken care of things so that no one messed with him anymore. I wanted to ask what but something in his expression told me it would be better not to.

I still didn't know him very well, and he didn't know me, but that was the way we liked things. We were both secretive for our own similar reasons, which is why we understood what subjects were and weren't allowed.

A few weeks after initially running away, some guys were bothering me in the lunch line. They usually left me alone, but sometimes they got bored and decided to pick on me for whatever tickled their fancy that day – their favorite topic was my bruises from when my dad had gotten particularly rough. I didn't have anymore of those obviously, but they decided they would make some of their own. I was perfectly happy ignoring them until they grew tired of it, but apparently Mello didn't like the idea of _anyone_ touching me. He had stomped over, gave them one look, punched the leader – a guy some hundred and fifty pounds heavier than himself – and they had run away.

He ranted the whole walk home about how annoying people were and that they should all be killed. When I mentioned that that was exactly what Kira was doing his face went white and he immediately changed his opinion.

Kira was a bit of a sore subject for him, and therefore one that wasn't brought up more than maybe once a week if at all. He hadn't been able to find much, and I couldn't get through to many agencies without getting a better program for my computer. I had left the better ones at home in our hurry to leave. We didn't have the money for much of anything besides bills, which because of me had doubled, and I felt a little bad about Mello refusing to let me get a job to help pay for what I used.

I did have a card with a pretty large amount of money on it, but he had told me to hold on to it in case of an emergency, that if we weren't careful it could be traced. I told him I could erase the records if I could buy the programs I needed, but he stood by the emergency idea.

Actually when I look back on it, the idea was really very good since two months after running away, Mello had come home terrified of something. He had run in the house, locked all the doors, closed all the blinds and made me turn off all the lights. It took him hours to tell me what had happened, but when he did we both agreed he needed a new job.

Some man who had become a regular costumer at the bar in the last few months had tried to pick him up. He politely declined the man, as that was his boss's rule. He had seemed to take no for an answer, but when Mello had left his shift for the night, which was around eleven, the man was waiting outside for him. He didn't tell me everything, only that he had forced himself on him in a way that reminded him of what his father had done and he had panicked. He had knocked the man unconscious with an empty bottle that had been lying in the street. He called the police so his boss wouldn't have to deal with the mess later and then run home before he could be blamed.

He reused to admit he needed a new job for a while, but when I told him how much he was shaking and the possibility that the guy would go back and try again, or something worse, he had agreed. If it was anyone but me that had told him I don't think he would have said yes. That job paid for most of our bills and food after all. But because he knew I worried enough as it was he agreed to find a job in a different part of town.

The only thing I worried about more than Mello's safety at his job was the possibility of my father finding us. We avoided the house when we could – I had stopped calling it my house once I got used to living with Mello – but I kept getting the feeling someone was watching me while we were walking to and from school.

After a week of this feeling I started having nightmares. Well, a nightmare to be more accurate. It was always the same. Coming back to Mello's and seeing him lying on the floor, unconscious never dead, and my dad would be there laughing about something. All he would do was laugh while I tried to get Mello to wake up, but I always woke up from the dream breathing heavily and it would take me hours to get back to sleep.

Mello had told me everything would be fine when I finally told him about the dream, that my dad had no idea where we were and the only time he could get to me is in my head. I wanted to believe that, but the feeling of being watched kept getting stronger. There were a few times that Mello had sped up while walking home that I thought maybe he was getting the same feeling, but he always explained it as having to use the bathroom. Every time he said it though, he had that worried expression in the back of his eyes.

When he wouldn't leave my side at all, and told me that if I left the house while he was at work, which really didn't bother me since I didn't like the outside much, he would hide my games and my computer I got the feeling he thought we were being watched too.

Living with Mello was comfortable though. And he was really a nice guy, despite his attitude issues. With the first pay check from his new job, a store at the nearby mall that sold leather – go figure – he bought me a pair of goggles I had wanted a while back. They were black with orange tinted lenses. They went along with everything I owned so I took to wearing them daily. He didn't seem to mind, he even smiled when he saw them sometimes. I knew I didn't need them, we both knew that, but I was happy he had taken his money to buy me something I wanted. And I bought him a bag of twenty extra large chocolate bars to thank him for it.

I'm not sure when it started happening, since I had no idea about these kinds of things, but I found myself liking Mello more and more. At first I thought it was just because he had gotten me away from my dad, but it was slowly turning into something more. I didn't want to say it was love, but it was a sever form of liking him, if that made any sense whatsoever.

I think it turned into full blown love when he saved me a second time and did something I never thought would happen. He killed my father.

We had been walking home from school one day. It was bright out so we figured we could skip the more secluded alleys we usually used and cut a bit of time off our trip. I hadn't been feeling watched lately so I thought it was a good idea. We turned on the street behind my old one and he was just standing there, waiting for us. I froze when I saw him, his eyes were cold and I could smell the alcohol on him even though he was a good thirty feel away. Mello, being the guy he was, stepped in front of me dropping his bag so he was free to move around. My dad looked like he was going to kill me for even being in Mello's presence when he did that. I flinched, remembering my dream and hoping this didn't turn out like it.

"So nice to see you again Mail. Or is it Matt now? Since that's what I hear this…friend of yours calling you everyday."

My mind went blank. He had been watching me.

"Leave him alone. He's living with me now, that's all you need to know." Mello stepped up to defend me and I felt my heart swell with something I didn't understand. I felt a nice stab of fear too. If my dad hurt Mello, I didn't know what I would do.

My father laughed coldly. "He doesn't need you. He needs his family. He's mine, I raised him. You have no right to even talk to him!"

"You're wrong. He's free to do what he wants and he doesn't want to be near you anymore. You have no idea how to even treat him!"

"He's my son! I'll treat him how I want!"

I felt like I was watching a bad movie, like everything should be different, but this wasn't a movie. It was real life. And my dad was going to end up hurting Mello.

I ran forward and stood in front of Mello. He growled at me to moved but I just shook my head no.

"I'm not going to let you hurt him Dad."

He smiled viciously. "See? He doesn't even want you. He wants to come back with me. Back to his family."

I forced back a laugh. "Family? You really think that's how you treat your family? You really are a fucked up little man." He growled and threatened something I didn't care to listen to. I didn't want to let him walk all over me anymore. I wanted to protect myself, protect Mello. "I didn't mean I was going to go back with you. The only way you're getting me back in the hell hole of a house is if I'm dead. You will not touch my friend and you will not speak to me ever again. Leave us alone and just let us live the way we want."

I know I sounded stupid and probably more than fitting for the bad movie reference but it was what came to mind first, other than the several thousand insults, but that would be counter productive.

"I can arrange for you to die Mail. You know I can. All I have to do is make a phone call and you and your little whore of a friend are dead."

I didn't rise to his bait. I knew he didn't have that kind of power. If he had he would have used it on me years ago. No, he just wanted me to come back to his bed.

"I'm not leaving Dad. Just go away."

He didn't budge. Instead he charged forward and knocked me back against the pavement. I tried to stand, my head was fuzzy and I couldn't see straight. I could hear Mello calling my name, but he sounded so far away I couldn't reach him. My vision got blurry around the edges, tunneling in. the last thing I saw was Mello's concerned face looking down at me before I passed out.

Mello

To say I was scared when I noticed Matt's father following us to _and_ from school would be an understatement. I knew all too well what that meant and what would happen should he ever catch us. I felt bad telling him to stay inside when I went to work, but we needed money and if I wasn't there to protect him and his dad came…I didn't want to think of the consequences.

When he passed out I all but went insane.

At first I thought he might have died, he had done something I never thought he would have the strength to do, because of me. But I saw his small chest move and I swear the world righted itself again. But I think something inside me snapped when his father started to drag him by his shirt in between houses to get him to theirs. He was choking the life out of the boy without even noticing. I saw his chest give a little heave just before they vanished behind a house.

My vision went red and I knew I wasn't in my right mind, but that didn't stop me from grabbing a shovel from someone's yard as I chased after them. I didn't mean to kill him, honestly I didn't, it just sort of…happened.

By the time I caught up they were already in the house. I could hear strangled cries that could only be from Matt and a high cold laugh that was his father. I knew what he was doing, what he was going to do. I ignored the fear and reality of all of it and stuck to focusing on getting inside. The doors were locked as were the windows. I could break one, but that would make too much noise and right now I needed to hide.

Matt's window was still a bit open, which was much too convenient to be a coincidence, but it was helpful all the same. I climbed the tree, glad for my ability to juggle the shovel as I did, and crawled as quietly as I could through the window.

The smell was awful. It was like rotting flesh and disease. I gagged and stuck my head back out the window to get some cleaner air. I knew what the smell was, what it meant, but Matt was more important at the moment. I had to get to him.

It took me a bit to get completely down the stairs with the extra weight of the shovel and by the time I found them, I wanted nothing more than to kill the bastard. He was just having his fun, he was hurting Matt as if he didn't even hear him screaming, begging him to stop. I could see the tears in his eyes from my spot at the stairs. His eyes locked with mine for a second and I think the world exploded.

To be honest, I don't remember much after that. Just jumbled instances and small bits of conversation much later on.

I remember hitting Matt's father with the shovel, remember the crack his spine made as he fell off Matt, remember the clammy feel of Matt's hands as I helped him up. I remember people staring at us as we ran, and I remember Matt's tears after we stopped. They were so pointless. He kept saying he was sorry to me, that what happened with his dad was his fault, that he should have been stronger to protect me. I wanted to laugh at him for ever thinking any of this was his fault but I settled for letting him cry against me until he fell asleep.

It wasn't until much later, after Matt had slid off me and was curled against my side did I find out I killed him. I had just turned on the news, wanting to see if there was anything about Kira on, and his dad's picture stared back at me. Someone had come to the house for a visit hours after we left and had found him. And Matt's mom. No one had seen us running, or no one who had seen us connected that with his father's death, it was lucky either way.

I felt miserable after that. I knew I shouldn't, that killing the man had been an accident, but I was miserable because I had to tell Matt about his mom. She was found in his closet, bastard trying to frame his own son for something like that when his fingerprints had been everywhere.

I knew he wouldn't be extremely upset, not like I had been, but he would cry again and it would be my fault. Seeing him cry was the single most terrifying moment of my life. Still, she was his mother and he had a right to know everything.

I let him sleep until I couldn't wait anymore. I shook him gently and when he blinked up at me with his blue eyes I wanted to cry too. He always looked so innocent and childish even though he'd seen things no one should see; it was why I wanted to protect him so much. He needed to be saved and I wanted to be the one to save him.

I told him as gently as I knew how about his mom, he flinched a bit, but he didn't cry until I told him about his dad. He flung his arms around my waist and sobbed into my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair until he started to calm down.

"I'm sorry Mello…" he spoke so quietly I was straining to hear him. I rubbed circles on his back, trying to make the tears stop completely.

"What are you sorry for?"

"For this…for you…for putting you through that…I didn't want you to get hurt though…I had to protect you…"

I smiled and kissed the top of his red hair. He was sorry? For something I decided months ago? I had been waiting for a chance to grab him away from his dad for weeks before I actually tried. Before I knew him even. I saw him in school and knew all the signs; I wasn't going to let him stay somewhere like that. He looked so frail and weakness seemed to radiate from him. I didn't understand it, but this feeling of protectiveness grew in me and I just couldn't stand to see that frail boy be hurt anymore.

Maybe that was when this…love of him had started too. I loved the boy more than anything, even though it had only been a few months. If I wasn't right next to him he was all I thought about. He was on my mind twenty-four hours a day seven days a week and I didn't care. I kept him safe, kept him away from his old house, kept him inside. I wanted him with me and only me, I wanted him to be safe.

That's why he shouldn't be saying sorry to me, I should be saying sorry to him. For thinking it was OK to be that close to his house, for putting him in that kind of situation when I promised myself I wasn't going to let the same thing that happened to me, happen to him. I had fucked up and he had gotten hurt. He was trying to play it off that he was going to be fine, but I knew he wasn't. He was strong but no one is that strong.

Jesus I sound like a freak thinking all these things about a guy I barely know, but I really…love him.

We were going to have a problem eventually though. Someone would put two and two together and know that we killed his dad…well, I killed him but still he would be blamed too for not stopping me. Sure there were extenuating circumstances but when has any court listened to minors, especially with my wardrobe and track record.

Most people would have given up by now, told Matt to leave and never tell anyone about what happened, to forget he ever met me and run away somewhere else. But not me, nope, special little me couldn't stand to have this kid out of my sight for more that a few hours. I'd go to work for the day and my mind would be all over him, forcing me to make stupid mistakes I haven't made in a while, and then I'd rush home to see he made me something for dinner and chocolate for after and he'd play his games and I'd read and the world would be fine.

I was losing sleep with the amount of time I thought of him though. The fact that he was a good five feet away and that if I wanted to I could simply stand up and curl up next to him was not unknown to me. The fact that he would be freaked out if I did that was also not unknown to me.

I sighed, wishing we were in a situation I could actually allow myself to feel something like that for him without the repercussions that would be involved.

I looked down at his sleeping form and smiled. He was curled up so that his head was in my lap, his arms still holding my waist tightly, and his feet were in front of me. Adorable. I pulled him up so that he was lying on my chest and I was lying on the pillows, he didn't move and his breathing didn't change it's slow, even pace. I threw the blanket over him and he curled against me further. Yup I was definitely in love with this boy. I ran my fingers through his hair, wondering how we were going to get though this mess. It wouldn't be easy. We may have to move, but I'd do anything to protect him.

Figuring I'd think of something tomorrow, I let my eyes close and drifted off to the sound of his breath against my chest.

**A/N: damn this took a bit to write! but its longer and full of Mello and yeahs! so im going to try and make each chapter either Matt's, Mello's or both's POV. i didnt think about it until after i started this one which is why its both of them. okies! reviews are full of fun and thanks to everyone who already did! **


	3. Matt and Mello II

Matt

I was OK with what Mello had done, really I was, I just felt…empty. I was happy I never had to see that man again but at the same time I felt as if some vital part of me, my soul, was missing.

I knew Mello could tell I wasn't myself; he was perceptive even if we hadn't known each other very long. I would catch him staring at me and he would look away, a pretty blush staining his cheeks.

Ever since he had told me my parents were dead, he'd been watching me. I tried to show him I was fine, that I didn't care that he had killed that dirt bag, but he knew. He knew I was turning into an empty husk of who I used to be. And some days it just made me so mad.

That's what scared me the most; I couldn't control myself some days. Once second I'd be perfectly fine, and the next I was screaming about something stupid like the sun being too bright. Mello would respond calmly, telling to put my goggles on if it bothered me so much. The second I heard his rich voice I'd snap out of whatever crazy space I'd been in and simply blush and apologize. And he would always forgive me. I didn't deserve it, but he did it anyway.

I wanted to do something, anything, while he was at work. We didn't have school anymore, not that we would go if there was, but even video games couldn't hold much of my attention anymore. I used to spend hours sitting in front of a T.V. screen, playing until my eyes hurt, now, I was impressed if I got three or four hours. This is why when I asked Mello if I could get a job he said yes after only a moment's hesitation. He was picking out where I could apply though, not that I cared. I trusted him more than I trusted myself at the moment.

So now I was the "proud" employee at a video game store a few blocks from Mello's first job. Its small and the pay isn't very good, but it's something to do during the day. My mood issues have more or less disappeared as well. I still feel empty most of the time, but it's more when I'm with Mello than at work.

That confuses me a lot. I didn't understand how or why looking at him made me feel that emptiness. And just being in the same room as him gives me a dull ache in the center of my chest. It's frustrating because I love being near him but the pain is starting to drive me insane.

I knew I loved him, was in love with him, but there was no way he could love me back. I was scared and broken. I wasn't good enough for him. And that made the pain worse.

He walked me to work ever day, early in the morning so he could get to work as well, and I would find myself staring at the way his hair turned from light blond to pure gold in the sun. He really was beautiful, someone I could never deserve. I think he knew I watched him the mornings, he just didn't say anything about it. He probably knew I loved him and was too nice to tell me he could never love someone like me. I purposefully put the fact that he had been in a similar situation once out of my mind.

"Matt! Get your ass back to work! Those shelves aren't going to stock themselves!" the manager, I believe his name was Rick, was yelling at me from his spot at the register. Bastard never did anything but sit there and help the occasional costumer. Probably the only reason he hired me, so he could sit around all day.

"Yes, sir…" I mumbled, hoping he heard the frustration through the forced politeness. As if it mattered what I did, no one came in here anyway…

Oh, spoke too soon. A boy about my age had walked in. He looked a lot like…Mello. Slightly longer hair and no leather, but the resemblance was there in the way he held himself. As if he were the most important person alive and you should bow down and praise him. and he was watching me stare at him.

Shit.

He smirked and walked right up to me. I was glad I had pulled my goggles over my eyes, the way he was looking at me made me think he could see through me. Just as Mello's eyes had. If I had my goggles down I would have been tempted to run. Not that the temptation wasn't there already.

While I was thinking over what might happen if I ran in to the back room, the boy had apparently finished his appraisal and decided I was worth speaking to. He stuck out his hand, expecting me to shake it, which I did.

"Name's Dimitri." He waited as I debated whether or not to tell him my name. Hadn't Mello warned me to be careful around people? I couldn't remember, I had been thinking about how to get the towel from around his waist at the time.

Dimitri was still waiting for my response, perfectly content, as if he knew it was only a matter of time. Clearly he didn't get shrugged off often. This pissed me off more than it might have if the guy didn't look so much like Mello.

"I'm Matt. Can I help you with anything sir?" I was determined to treat him as a costumer.

"No, I just wanted to let you know we'll be working together starting tomorrow."

Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Great, it'll be food to have some help around here." Just smile and he'll go away.

"I'm glad you think so. Rick says you'll have to train me as well, since he's so busy." Bastard had to be joking.

"Sounds like fun. I can't wait." To go home and see the real Mello.

Dimitri opened his mouth to respond just as Mello walked through the door. He gave Dimitri an odd look before his eyes landed on me. He gave me an appraising look; no doubt to be sure I was alright, before gesturing for me to follow him. My hero.

I gave Dimitri a quick goodbye before sprinting off after the leather clad back. He didn't say anything for a few blocks and I knew that meant he was thinking over the situation very carefully.

"So, who is that guy?" That was all he said but I could hear the other questions on the air as well. He wanted to know why I was smiling at him, who he was that I was being so polite to him, why he looked like a clone of the boy standing next to me.

"He's a new employee. I was just being friendly, you know so he would feel welcome. I honestly don't get why he looks so much like you. It's creepy…"

I knew he would listen to that, and it was the truth, I just wasn't going to tell him how similar. I was still freaked out by it.

He didn't question it further but said he wanted to speak with him tomorrow when he dropped me off. I didn't see anything wrong with the idea; hopefully it would make Dimitri leave me alone. I hadn't noticed that the emptiness had doubled until I laid down for bed.

I should have known not to let Mello talk to this guy. They were standing almost right on top of each other, shouting in each other's faces about God knew what, puffed up like fucking birds. Idiots. Though I have to say seeing Mello mad is kinda…sexy. His blue eyes glinting and his cheeks flushed. I wanted to sooth his tense shoulders kiss away the crease between his eyebrows. But now wasn't exactly a good time for that.

I stepped in between the two, which took a bit of wriggling and left me very close to Mello, pushing them away from each other.

"Enough you two. You look like fucking birds for fuck's sake. Mello," I turned to him, hoping Dimitri wasn't sneering at him behind my back. "I know you want to protect me, at least I think that's what you're trying to do, but I don't think I need it this time. I'll tell you anything you please when you come pick me up later I promise. But you need to get to work or you'll be late."

He scoffed and I knew he was glaring at Dimitri when I turned away from him. "Dimitri, promise Mello you won't bother me while working here. And if you do I will not stop the two of you fighting, but I will be the judge of if and when that happens." He glared down at me and I glared back hoping I looked threatening. Probably not though.

"Fine." they both muttered in perfect sync, glaring at the other when they noticed. I sighed, this was going to be a long week.

Mello

I hated Dimitri. He was a fucking wannabe prick. He was going to poison Matt's mind in that fucking store. Why was he working there anyway? Oh…I got him that job… Well I should have gotten a better one. Fucking blond bastard.

I ranted nonstop in my mind all through the day. Dimitri and I did not mesh well, and if we didn't then he wasn't good enough to work with Matt, he was dangerous. He didn't look it, but I knew. He was going to poison Matt's mind and then take him away from me.

Yup, I was going crazy. I just hated that guy so much. I don't what it was, but something about him rubbed me the wrong way. Speaking of rubbing…

Matt had definitely left his hand on my chest a little longer than necessary. It had sent heat through the rest of my body and I could still feel his hand there. I touched my chest absently earning a few odd looks from costumers. Funny how many people started coming to this store after I began working here. The boss says I'm the best advertisement around, which was a bit annoying but it made my paycheck bigger so I waved it off.

Picking up Matt was an event. Dimitri gave me a look that was pure hate, and I returned it. Matt looked like he wanted to evaporate into nothingness so I eased up a bit. I didn't stop the endless questions though. I wanted to know if the guy even so much as looked at him wrong.

He, of course, said that everything was fine. He was a bit weirded out by the resemblance, but there was nothing wrong with the guy otherwise. I wanted to disagree, but the evidence…he looked so much like me…and if that was the way I acted all the time…well, it was amazing Matt put up with me. He looked alright though, happy even, but there was still that odd look on his face I'd been seeing recently. It was scaring me.

He acted like a shell, a ghost, half the time. And at night he would have these nightmares, I didn't mention them to him, he would get mad about it, but it was hard not to get up and hold him during the night. His moods were everywhere too. I was worried about him. He tried to be strong but there were some things everyone needed help with.

I'd bought a few psychology books during my lunch break and had started reading them, slowly but I was reading them, to see if it was something that he needed therapy or medicine for. I was hiding them under my bed. If he saw them…he might go off on me again. It hurt when he did, more than I wanted to admit. That's why I always forgave him. He couldn't control whatever was happening to him and he would always look so sorry after he calmed down. He would even have chocolate waiting some days to make up for it.

I just hoped that if Dimitri did anything wrong he would talk to me instead of dealing with it himself. I couldn't always tell when he was lying, as much as I wish I could, but I trusted him. I just…wanted to protect him…

He was lying on his bed, playing some new game he'd bought with his most recent paycheck. That was why I had him work in a game store, he could get all the games he wanted and even play some on his breaks and still make money. After getting the job, he'd seemed less…empty too. He still looked like he was in pain a lot of the time. I wasn't sure if it was over his parents or what it was, but it hurt me to see him like that. I ignored it because I knew him enough to know that was what he wanted, but God damn it if he didn't tell me soon I was going to snap.

I could feel myself breaking every time I saw that sad look come over his face and I would hide so he wouldn't see the same on mine. I wanted him to see me as the strong person he had met months ago, not someone who was weak. I wanted him to love me, and smile, and laugh, and…I just wanted him. I didn't deserve him but I wanted him. He would find out the things I've done and then he'd leave and never look back. He would hate me, detest me.

I hid my face in my pillow, silently letting a few tears fall before pulling myself together. I wouldn't let him see me cry over something. He'd just…actually I don't know what he'd do.

I sighed, grabbing some clothes and heading for the bathroom to change. I thought I heard him sigh as I shut the door but ignored it. I changed quickly, pulling my hair up into a ponytail. I threw my leather on the floor, not caring if it wrinkled at the moment and flopped back on my bed, taking a book out from under it. I thought I heard Matt's breath hitch a bit, but I ignored it again writing it off as a cough or a sneeze. He wouldn't have that kind of reaction to me anyway.

I flipped to the last page and resigned myself to another night of searching for ways to help Matt. Seven books and I hadn't found anything helpful yet. I was losing sleep over this, watching him until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. It could be because of his parents. That was a likely response since they were his parents, no matter how horrible they were. But there was something else bothering him, I just didn't know what.

**A/N: yup it's short. but i wanted to get this up today so yeah. i promise the next one will be longer, it just might take a bit. i keep getting distracted and school is bugging me so i don't have much time to write as much as i want to. hopefully the next chapter will be up before monday though. **


	4. Matt and Mello III

Matt

I rubbed my eyes, willing the sleep from my mind. I had to go in early today, Rick wanted Dimitri and I to fucking alphabetize _everything_ in the store. Oh, and then we got to organize them by type. As if organization would help the measly business increase. Not with Rick running the place, I assure you.

At least Dimitri helped out. He was bitchy and more than a little annoying at times, but he was someone to talk to. Even if his resemblance to Mello ripped me apart. Honestly being around him made me want to run to Mello and…do something.

I stumbled sleepily out of bed, making my way to the bathroom. I finished my shower quickly, hoping to stay out of Mello's way. Actually he should be up by now.

Towel around my waist and goggles strapped to the top of my dripping hair, I went back to our room to find him. He was curled up, blond hair everywhere, with the blankets tangled around his legs. I smiled for a few moments before poking him sharply between the shoulder blades. He groaned, rolling over to bury his face in a pillow.

"Mells come on. You're going to be late for work."

He simply mumbled again, rolling onto his back and throwing his arms over his eyes. Drama queen.

"Mello, if you don't get up, I'll hide your chocolate."

"Try it and I'll break every game and game consol in this house."

Jeez it was only chocolate. Says the boy fearing for games' lives.

"Fine, I have no choice."

"What are you-"

I grabbed his side and pulled, rolling him off the bed and on to the floor. His face was priceless, but he looked a little more shocked than I though he would. Must be the surprise.

"M-Matt…" he pointed up around my waist, eyes wide.

"Mello, what are you…"

He held up the fluffy white towel that _had_ been around my waist. I felt my cheeks heat up, grabbed the towel from his hands and ran to the bathroom.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Why did he have to grab at THAT to help himself? He could have used toe bedside table, but no, he had to grab for my fucking crotch! Damn it, it was too early for this bull crap.

"Matt…" Mello's voice came through the door. "Can…can I come in? I need a shower." Don't we all.

Ah, what do I do about this thing! Shit!

I covered myself with my boxers, hoping Mello wouldn't notice the bulge growing between my legs. Yup, not noticeable at all. Unless you had the power of sight that is. Fuck.

He knocked again, still a bit hesitant. Might as well face the music….

I opened the door and walked straight in to Mello's chest. Nope, no way to avoid notice now.

His breath hitched as our crotch-o-regions nudged each other. Huh, interesting. He was just as…excited…as I was, if not more.

"Uh…sorry…" he mumbled before taking refuge in the bathroom. Yup too early for this.

Mello was unusually quiet on the way to work. He only glared at Dimitri before heading off for the mall.

"What's his problem?" Dimitri asked, leaning an arm on my shoulder.

"No idea." I was not telling him about the towel incident. Not now, not ever.

He was looking at me questioningly, his eyes so familiar, so similar to Mello's that I felt my cheeks blush for the second time that morning. His eyes sparkled, a momentary flash of realization coming over his features. I cringed internally, knowing the look wasn't a good sign.

"You love Mello don't you." he smirked. It wasn't a question, he knew he was right.

"Yeah." I answered regardless. No sense in denying it. I knew I was digging my own grave freely admitting to the fact but I just didn't care. Better to get things like this over with.

"I could help you, you know. To get him to love you back." OK, wasn't expecting that.

No accepting his help would mean an early death, I was sure.

"No thanks, Dimitri. I'm just going to wait it out, see if it's just a crush, you know?" Of course he knew, knew I was bullshitting him.

"Alright." He turned to leave. "You will need my help eventually though." And he had vanished to the back room.

Alrighty then…He is definitely weirder than Mello.

Mello…

He really was acting weird this morning. I mean, seeing another guy's package is awkward sure, but he was acting too off for it to just be that. Then again, we both got horny off it. Was that it? Was he upset over being turned on by another guy? That wasn't all too weird, given today's society.

Still shouldn't I be the one acting weird? It was me who had been exposed after all.

I sighed, forcing him out of my mind in order to focus on the obscene amount of games I had to organize. I really didn't get paid enough.

Dimitri followed me all day, helping mostly, but asking questions about mine and Mello's relationship and why he always walks me to and from work. I gave him the "best friends" excuse, which admittedly I made up on the spot having never needed one before, but he seemed to buy it. Though with him I couldn't be sure.

By the time Rick told us to leave, I was desperate to escape Dimitri. But Mello wasn't waiting for me.

"Hey, where's blondy?" Shit. Dimitri sat on the sidewalk at my feet. I resisted the urge to kick him.

"I don't know where _Mello_ is Dimitri. He's usually here by now. And you're blond too you know." I didn't like the fact that Mello wasn't here and Dimitri calling him blondy just plain bugged me. but…what if he was hurt, or the cops suspected him about what happened with my father? What about that guy from the bar? Fuck.

"We need to find him." I forced as much, well, force as possible into my voice. It was unnatural for me to force anyone to do anything and Dimitri caught on and was up in a time I didn't think was possible outside games.

"I'll go, but only because you'd be useless if he's in any trouble." There was some other reason in the words but I didn't have the time or the mental capacity at the moment to sift through it. My thoughts were consumed by Mello.

We ran to the mall, a good ten blocks and more of a work out than I'd ever had, stopping just outside the doors to catch our breath. I thought my sides were going to explode, Mello would be laughing his fit ass off if he saw me like this.

Thinking of Mello brought back my determination I thought had been reserved for kicking ass at Mario. I needed to help him, or maybe I didn't. It didn't matter either way I was going to find him.

The store I knew he worked in, obvious being it was the only store that sold nothing _but_ leather, was packed. People were stepping on each other to get to the register where a small sliver of blond was visible over the mass of bodies. Well, that made sense.

"You can go Dimitri. He's just busy. I'll wait for him out here. Sorry for bothering you like that."

I slumped against the shop window, the exertion of running taking the place of the adrenaline of worrying over Mello. Dimitri gave me a long look, assessing my condition, before nodding and turning to leave.

It was three hours before Mello finally stalked out of the store. He had a vacant look in his eye that didn't match the scowl the rest of his face held. His features softened a bit when he noticed me and all thought of this morning came rushing to the forefront of my mind, causing yet another blush to stain my cheeks. Mello's were tinted pink as well, maybe the same thoughts? No, no point getting my hopes up.

"So…how long have you been here?" he asked, helping me off the floor.

"A few hours. I got worried when you weren't there at closing. Dimitri brought me over." His scowl came back full force, but he simply nodded leading the way out.

I followed quietly, waiting for the questions I knew were forming in his mind. He was going to ask why I didn't just wait at the store, why I let Dimitri bring me here, what I was planning on doing if he had been in trouble. The questions never came though. He simply walked along in the same detached state as this morning.

It was creeping me out how little he was talking. Usually when we were together he was complaining about something, anything, even if it was completely pointless. The silence was driving me insane.

"Mells, you OK?" I placed a hand on his shoulder, trying not to let myself think about the throb of pain when he flinched away.

"Yeah. Fine." And he was silent again. He didn't say a word through dinner, and didn't even look at me until I shut off my game and said goodnight.

He looked at me as if it were his first time seeing me. As if something big had changed and he was just now realizing it. My mind was too far into the emptiness to think much on it though.

I woke up to a poke in the nose. I pushed the offending hand away weakly, wishing to fall back into my dream. Mello had been in it, older and more mature, but it was him. He was trying to say something to me, but I couldn't hear him.

The real Mello was screaming now, trying to get me out of bed. I pushed whichever part of his body was closest, vainly attempting to go back to sleep.

"Matt, having a day off does not mean you can sleep all day." Like hell it didn't. "Matty, get up."

"No." I could just imagine the pout on his face. I squeezed my eyes shut to avoid actually seeing said pout. If I did, I'd do whatever he asked.

I felt something heavy, obviously Mello, settle itself on my waist gently. Damn guy doesn't let up.

"Matt. Get up."

"I can't with you sitting on me, idiot."

"Then at least open your eyes."

I knew it was a trap. I'd open my eyes, see him hovering over me and all that damn emptiness would fill me up and I'd drown in it. I knew it all, but I opened my eyes anyway, because he asked me.

Yup. He was right there, inches from my face, eyes smiling and shining with something I couldn't place – heh, I rhymed. I swallowed hard. I could reach up and kiss him if I wanted to. Just one quick, simple move and instantaneous pleasure. Followed by long hours of emptiness and other things I didn't want to think about.

And suddenly I was afraid. I wanted to kiss him, so much did I want to, but he would get mad. It would ruin everything. I couldn't lose him, couldn't be on my own.

I felt my cheeks burn. His were pink too. He wanted to do the same as me. He wasn't afraid though, he never was. Damn strong Mello. He would be the death of me.

His eyes slipped shut and mine followed suit, too scared and nervous to watch what was coming next.

His lips covered mine tentatively. The only time he showed how nervous he was and it was when he decided to kiss me. I pushed him up as much as I could, trying to get as much of him as I could. He leaned back, letting me sit up. He licked at my lip, asking, begging and groaned when I accepted.

And then the fear was gone. I pushed him back so we were in the reverse of how we started. He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me closer. My hands found their way to the zipper of his vest, pulling it sown to explore the skin beneath. He moaned into my mouth making me smirk happily.

When the need for air grew stronger than the need for each other we pulled apart, panting lightly. I rested my head on his shoulder, refusing to move off him. I could feel the empty hole where my heart had been grow a bit smaller. I knew I might regret it later, but for now I just wanted to stay here.

Sadly time had it's own opinion of what we should be doing.

"I have to get to work Matty." He didn't sound as if he cared all that much. I didn't want to let him go, but we would need money later.

"Alright." I knew I sounded breathless, and I was. I slid off him, not moving from the bed. My legs wouldn't be able to support me.

He smiled – more like smirked – down at me, leaning over to give me a quick kiss that helped push away the emptiness more.

"I'll be home later. Don't get in to any trouble, m'kay?"

"As if. When do I ever do anything wrong?"

He laughed, standing to go. I watched him, wishing we had the time to stay together for a bit longer.

As the door closed I hoped we hadn't made some kind of mistake.

Mello

I touched my lips, detached from the world. I had kissed Matt. And he didn't push me away, he kissed back. Hell, he took it further than I intended to go. And I liked it. Fuck liked, I loved it. I wanted more of it, more of him.

Now, I wasn't sure about other religions, but mine didn't accept gays very readily. They weren't unwelcome, just kind of frowned upon. Honestly I didn't understand that. They were still people – or should it be we are still people? – so why should they be denied the love of God because of who they choose to love? It didn't make sense, saying God loved everyone if certain people were told they were sinning and wouldn't get to heaven simply because they loved someone of the same sex.

What Matt and I had just done…it didn't feel sinful. It felt…natural, normal, for us at least. As if we were born to do just that. He might think I would be praying for forgiveness right now, think he made a huge mistake, but I had no intention of asking God for forgiveness. Sure, anyone but Matt and I would run to the nearest church for several hours of serious prayer, but not this time. No, this wasn't sin, but it damn well should be.

I floated through the rest of the day, not sure what I was doing half the time, mind continuously on Matt. I just wanted the day to be over, to go home. I wanted to see if he still had that fear in his eyes. He had, just before I kissed him, looked at me with such fear that I wanted to start crying. He thought he would lose me if he kissed me like that. he couldn't lose me if he wanted to, I'd follow that boy to the ends of the earth if he asked.

"Mello, get your fucking ass back to work!"

Shit.

"Sorry. Sorry."

Ever since I started working here more and more people have been coming in. the mob that was here yesterday meant it was a slow day. Usually I was able to sneak out the back because of all the people, but with as little as was there I couldn't leave.

Seeing Matt waiting for me when I left, it made me feel like I was floating in chocolate, which I was seriously deprived of with all this work. Not that I showed it to him, but I did. Dimitri though…I owed him some sort of thanks, however much it hurt my pride to admit that. He didn't have to bring Matt here, but he had. Probably thought Matt couldn't hold his own if I had needed help. Though that was pretty much true. I'm sure he could hold his own against me, maybe, but if anyone bigger came along, he's only get hurt.

But damn if I didn't love the boy for trying.

Still…I had to get something for the guy. What the hell did he like? Not leather, he didn't wear any. Chocolate? No, he didn't seem the type and that would seem girly. Damn it, what the fuck do you get for someone you hate? Well he worked in a game store didn't he? Maybe he liked games. Yeah there was some new game Matt had been talking about and couldn't get yet because of some rule at work. I could get it for both of them. How much was it?

During my break, which wasn't very long the stingy bastard, I went to the game store in the mall. Why the hell didn't Matt work here anyway? It was much better than the dump he worked in now. There were several games on sale, all new, and I had no idea which one Matt had wanted. I grabbed two at random, deciding the one that looked the lamest was for Dimitri and paid trying to ignore the serious decline in my money for the week. Looks like I'm getting less chocolate this week than usual.

I stashed the games in my locker and went back to managing the mass of people buying leather. Who knew so many people shared my opinion in good clothing? Though from the looks some of the costumers, guys and girls, gave me I had a feeling they really didn't like this stuff. Whatever, made my paycheck bigger.

Today was much more crowded than yesterday so I was able to sneak out the back. I wasn't thrilled to give up something expensive like the game to Dimitri, but I had to thank him somehow. He was working today right?

Yup, he was. I could see his hair from the window. Taking a deep breath, I went in to the tiny store wasting no time in walking right over to him. I shoved the small box into his hands.

"ThanksforwalkingMatttothemalllastnight." I said all in one word. I really wasn't good at thank you's.

He smirked and I wanted to punch him so much I saw red. How dare he smirk at me when I'm thanking him. I didn't need to buy him the stupid game.

"No problem, just glad to help. He would have been useless if you had gotten yourself in any trouble. He's not to bright you know."

I knew my jaw had dropped. How dare he insult Matt like that!

"Excuse me?!"

"You're excused." I barely kept myself from hitting him.

"Matt's twice the human being you'll ever be! Sure he's not the best in a fight but he has perfectly good reasons for that! And he's one of the smartest people I've ever met-"

"You must not have met many people then."

I snapped.

I punched him as hard as I could, sending him falling back into a stack of games. Damn Matt had just organized those yesterday.

He stood, but made no move to hit me back. He just stood there smirking. I forced my breath to slow down; it would be no good if I passed out from breathing too hard.

"So, you do like him that much huh? I thought it was like that."

"Like him? I don't like him. I fucking love him."

"Oh? Well, then we have a problem."

"Oh?" I mimicked. "And what would that be?"

"Well you see, I like him too, and I'd like to, ah how should I say this, get to know him better. But by all means you can have him when I'm done."

I wouldn't hit him. I wouldn't hit him. I wouldn't hit him. Yeah fucking right. I hit him, as hard as my body would allow. He crashed into the wall, games falling over his head.

"Stay the fuck away from him! He's not some toy for you to use! He's better than that! He deserves better than someone like you!"

"Oh?" I was really getting sick of that word. "And are you much better? You can't say we don't look very much alike. Even our attitudes are alike. If I'm no good for him, what makes you think you are?"

I didn't know what to say to that. A vain part of myself wanted to say that I was ten times better than he was no matter how much we were alike. But this voice that sounded like my mother was saying that I wasn't good enough to so much as breath the same air as him. I had killed his father, taken away his family however awful they had been. I had brought him into my world of debt and pain and dangers I didn't even understand and he didn't deserve. I was no good for him.

Dimitri's smirk grew. "So you see what I mean now eh? I suggest you leave Matt alone now if you really love him. he couldn't be happy with someone like you anyway."

I felt something break in me and I didn't say anything. I turned and walked out of the small store wishing my life was different, that I was different. I pretended not to hear Dimitri when he said thank you for the game in the most horrid voice I had ever heard.

I'm not sure how long it took me to get home, but I was late if Matt's worried face was anything to go by. I tried to smile and play it off as a crowd like yesterdays. I wouldn't tell him about Dimitri. I couldn't. Had we really just kissed this morning? It seemed like so much longer.

He hugged me tight and I hugged back, holding as much of him in my mind for what might come next. I kissed him gently, not wanting to go too far too fast. He gasped at my unexpected move but kissed back with as much force as this morning. God, I loved him so much.

No, I couldn't give him up yet. I would keep him for as long as I could, Dimitri be damned. If he wanted to fight over him, then I would fight. I'd win if it killed me.

I picked him up bridal style, refusing to put him down even as he struggled and complained.

"Shush, you'll have fun, I promise." He quieted down and ran his fingers over my neck making me hold back a groan.

I placed him on my bed, sitting on him like this morning.

"Hmm, this looks familiar." He joked, laughing lightly. He was blushing deeply after being carried, it was cute.

I leaned down and kissed him again licking his lips again. He opened his mouth slowly and I was lost in heaven. My tongue explored every corner of his mouth while his explored mine nervously. I smiled and moved from his mouth to his throat. The groan was worth the movement.

I bit carefully at his pulse point, not too hard but hard enough that he would have a mark there tomorrow. Let Dimitri steal him after seeing that.

"Mell-Mello…" he gasped quietly. I smiled against his neck. I let my tongue snake out to lick down his neck to his chest, or what little there was exposed with his baggy shirt still on.

I pulled it up, he lifted his arms obediently and his shirt was off. I ran my hands over his chest slowly, enjoying the small moans and pants he made. He was so sensitive. He pulled my vest off with little problems though it was sticking to my skin from sweating so much.

I knew in the back of my mind that I was going this far partly to prove Dimitri wrong, but the other part was that I loved this boy and I wanted every bit of him I could get. He didn't seem to mind at least.

I kissed his exposed chest, biting here and there, making sure to leave marks to prove he was mine. He twisted his hand in my hair pulling me up to kiss me again. I groaned low in my throat as his tongue tangled with mine, losing myself in him.

And then I was on my back and he was on top of me. He smirked and I felt my heart jump into my throat.

"You've been holding back on me haven't you?" He smiled and kissed the skin under my ear.

"I've done no such thing. I just didn't do what I wanted."

"So you've been holding back on me."

He grinned. "Yup."

"Idiot."

He bit the spot he had just kissed and I practically screamed at the pleasure it caused. Never knew that would happen, interesting.

By the time we were spent, I knew we would both be covered in bruises the next day. He hadn't gone all the way, or even past the belt line, but we had made sure anyone who saw us knew we were taken. Funny, I never thought I would want to show off the fact that someone practically owned me. Then again, I hadn't known Matt then.

He was curled on my side, breathing returning to normal slowly. His arms were around my waist, his head on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair, helping him sleep. I wouldn't be getting any tonight. Dimitri's words were still floating around my mind.

I knew I didn't deserve him; I just couldn't bear to part with him. He was like a magnet, as cheesy as that is. And maybe I'd lose him eventually but I wanted to savor what I had while it lasted, like my pathetic supply of chocolate.

Ah! I forgot the game!

"Hey Matt. Get up for a second. I got you something today." I couldn't keep the smile out of my voice.

He sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. I got the bag from where I had dropped it in the kitchen and headed back for the bedroom.

"I don't know if it's the right one, but I knew you wanted a game and I had some free time and some money today so I thought I'd get you one. If it's not right I can take it back though." I was nervous, I had to tell him something else with the game too.

He took the bag from me, opening it quickly. I knew I had done good when his face broke out in a goofy grin.

"It's perfect Mello! I was going to have to wait till next month to get this!" he jumped over, literally, and kissed me hard it gratitude. I laughed, glad I could do something right for once.

He put the game on the nightstand and laid back down waiting for me to do the same so he could snuggle up next to me. I sighed and put my fingers in his hair again. I couldn't do it yet. I just couldn't.

Eventually his breathing evened out and he was asleep on my chest again.

"I love you Matty, I'm not going to let that _thing_ hurt you. I promise." I whispered so he wouldn't wake up. That was just as good as telling him in my book.

**A/N: i know the ending sucks i'm sorry. i wanted to get this chapter up today though cause i am beyond late with it and i'm going to be out all day tomorrow hopefully. but since i was late i threw in my bad kissing scenes! i like the first one best its sweeter. and Matty was exposed! poor poor child. lol **

**well everyone knows the line. Reviews are love peoples! they make people happy!**


	5. Matt II

**A/N: SPOILERS!!!!! from Death Note: Another Note!!!!! if you haven't read that than i don't suggest you read this unless you wanna mess up some stuff! though maybe not too bad... it's mostly just general stuff you know?**

Matt

When I woke up I didn't notice much of a difference in myself, it took a few hours before I realized I felt lighter, more stable, safer. It was great. I didn't feel even the slightest bit empty, all because of Mello.

He had seemed so depressed last night, as if someone had told him he could never eat chocolate again, it was heartbreaking. But somewhere between the kissing and the touches he had changed back into himself. Actually he seemed more determined, though about what I wasn't sure. Still I liked him like this; it was entertaining and damn sexy.

He started changing and from my position on the bed I could see everything. Not that he tried to hide it; he was fucking showing it off. I pretended not to watch, focusing on Grand Theft Auto as if it were much more interesting – it was anything but, but Mello didn't need to know that. He smirked, knowing I was still watching. Jerk.

When it was time to leave he pulled me out the door by the hand. I expected him to let go once we reached the street but he simply laced his fingers through mine and continued on his way. OK, so "simply" was an understatement. The small amount of contact was enough to make me grin like a fruitcake. I saw him shake his head out of the corner of my eye and grinned wider. He only let a small smile come over his face, which was more than usual considering his public displays of emotion, other than rage, were zero to none on the best of days.

As we reached the store I worked in I felt him grow stiff. I gave him a questioning look, but he shook his head no, meaning he wasn't going to tell me. I squeezed his hand reassuringly – though I had no idea what I was reassuring him of – and felt him squeeze back, not releasing the pressure until we rounded the corner and saw Dimitri leaning against the window. He looked over at us, his eyes trailing to our joined hands, and sneered.

I gripped Mello's hand tighter, trying to calm my nerves as well as his. Dimitri looked ready to kill someone and we were in the line of fire.

Mello growled sounding like a hungry lion, though not surprising with how little chocolate he's eaten lately.

"What the hell do you want?" he didn't open his mouth all the way, the words getting stuck behind his teeth.

Dimitri sneered again. "I just wanted to get a view of the _happy_ couple before they, well, become unhappy." He said happy as if it were something disgusting we were making him touch.

I looked back and forth between the two, confused. I'd never seen either of them act like this. Sure they both had crazy tempers, but I could actually feel the raw animosity in the air. Mello looked ready to go into some kind of crouch while Dimitri seemed poised as a cobra. I shivered involuntarily at my own analogy.

"We are happy, thank you very much. It's quite sad you can't join in, really jealousy does not become someone of your…stature." Mello mirrored Dimitri's sneered, though he added something new to it that made it terrifying.

"I'm not jealous." Though he really sounded more jealous than he could stand. "I just wanted to get a look at you before everything fell apart. Not that it's all that together as it is."

"Uhm…can we stop the testosterone flow here? I can't breath." Apparently even guys have their limit of unneeded testosterone.

Dimitri scoffed and walked away from the store and in the direction of what I assumed was his house. Mello relaxed beside me and I turned on him.

"What the hell, Mells? You two looked ready to kill each other. What the hell is going on?"

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply thruough his nose, a calming ritual I recognized, though he didn't use it very often.

"Matt, it's nothing you need to worry about. We just had a…disagreement yesterday, nothing big. And I wouldn't kill him with you standing right here, it's too big a chance you'd get hurt."

"There's nothing going on Mello? You need to tell me, maybe I can help…"

"No!" he turned on me, eyes…scared. "You're not getting involved in this Matty. I won't let you."

I sighed in defeat. He wouldn't tell me now, maybe later, but not now. E put my arms around his neck and gave him a quick kill.

"Just try to stay out of trouble, OK?" He smirked and left for work.

With Dimitri gone I had twice the work to do. Rick bitched the whole time about lazy employees and whatever else went on in his weird little head. I kept up a constant grumble of insults glad he at least stayed on the opposite side of the store.

The whole argument with Dimitri this morning was starting to bother me. Even if Mello said nothing was wrong it was obvious there was something big going on. And it was obvious it concerned me. When the hell had this started?

I was leaning against the store wall when Mello showed up. He took my Gameboy, pausing it thankfully, and pulled me close to his. I gripped him happily, smiling into his leather clad chest. He broke to contact first, handed me back my game and started pulling me toward home.

During the day I had figured out a plan to get him to tell me about Dimitri. If I was right, which I was sure I was, he'd probably crack in the first ten maybe fifteen minutes. It all depended on skill, and Mello's mood.

Mello opened the door silently, dropping the keys in a small table near the door. He pulled a bar of chocolate from the freezer and plopped on the couch we'd bought from Good Will switching the T.V. to whichever news show was on around now. I took off my coat, hanging it on a chair and put my Gameboy next to Mello's keys. He was completely engrossed in the news program, something about a guy named Beyond Birthday dieing of a heart attack, and didn't hear me move to stand behind him. He jumped when I slipped my arms around his neck planting my lips below his ear.

"Matt, this is important to the Kira case. Please wait until this is over." He tried to sound serious, going as far as to snap off a piece of chocolate but the increase on his pulse contradicted his words for him.

I smiled against his neck, kissing it softly before biting down hard. He gasped, trying to hide it around another snap of chocolate. I hopped over the couch capturing his lips before he could swallow the sweet residing on his tongue. I took the sweet into my mouth and smiled into the kiss at his groan. I really didn't like chocolate, as much as Mello tasted like it, so I pushed the sweet back to him leaving my tongue to help it melt. Once the treat had dissolved I pulled back, pleased with the success of distracting him. Who cared about Beyond Birthday anyway? He'd only killed three people. In the grand spectrum of things, three people was nothing.

"You douche, now I missed it." He tried to sound angry, but I knew he wasn't. I'd get him all the police files on Birthday I could find later and he knew it.

"Aw Mells, you didn't like my treat? I thought it was pretty nice." I pulled the best puppy eyes I could.

"Dammit, I never said I didn't like it. And don't make that face, it makes me want to do things to you that might be illegal."

"Oh? Like what?" I moved to straddle his hips, rolling mine once I got situated. He gasped again and I kissed him as deeply as I could.

"So, what brought this on?" he breathed out after we pulled apart.

"You seemed uptight, I figured you needed to relax a bit. Is it working?"

"Trust me its working." He thrust up to prove his point.

I gasped and he smirked up at me before pushing me so I was lying underneath him on the couch. He bit at my neck, his news show all but forgotten.

"Hey-hey Mells?" He hmm-ed in response, not stopping is biting to use words.

"Why are you and Dimitri fighting like this?" Shit. He stopped, pulling back to look down at me. "I won't get involved, I just want to know what's going on. It concerns me, doesn't it?"

He sighed, resting his forehead on mine and closing his eyes. "Dimitri apparently loves you and wants to get me out of the way. He told me…he told me that I didn't deserve you after what I did to your father."

I didn't know what to say to that. I wrapped my arms around his neck, stroking the back of it gently. He opened his eyes and there was a pain in them I didn't think someone like Mello could feel.

"Who cares what Dimitri says? He's a jealous fuck who's just mad because I told him I loved you and not him. There's nothing he can do to get me to stop loving you, no matter how much he tries to be you. You saved me, Mells, something I highly doubt I'll ever be able to do for you."

"Matty…" the rest of his words were swallowed by my mouth as I pulled his down to kiss him again. I wrapped my fingers in his hair and refused to let him go until we needed oxygen.

"Don't…don't ever listen to Dimitri again. Got it?" I gasped out. He nodded. "Good, then let's go to bed. We need to get up early and I have a feeling tomorrow's going to be a pain in the ass."

He pulled me off the couch with him, not letting go until we had to change, only to be pulled close once in bed and press his face into my chest.

"Love you Matty." I grinned.

"Love you too, Mells."

Dimitri was waiting again the next morning. I squeezed Mello's hand firmly, stopping any words he might have said. He looked at me angrily, I just shrugged and pulled him close for a quick kiss before pushing him towards the mall. Dimitri growled as he passed, but made no move to threaten Mello. I sighed and slid into the store hoping Dimitri would go home again. Apparently someone was mad at me and put the idea in his head that he needed to stay.

He didn't confront me, though I could feel his glare through the shelves as he followed me from his seat at the register. Rick decided not to stay so Dimitri took his usual spot. Joy. And angry psychopath and two person's worth of work for me. Definitely grateful for all the sleep I'd gotten the night before.

At lunch, which was really a quick run to the food court at the mall to grab some fast food and pay Mello a visit, Dimitri decided the shelves needed to be reorganized. I was pretty sure he had fucked everything I had done up while I was gone. He smirked when I didn't complain and simply set to work. There was no point arguing anyway, we both knew who would win when it came down to it. I sighed when I saw Z's mixed with B's that were now F's and almost screamed at the shear amount of work I was now going to have to do.

When I was nearly done, meaning I was on W's, Dimitri decided I needed company. And his idea of company was to wrap his arms around my waist and rest his chin on my shoulder.

"Dimitri I know about your bullshit contest with Mello and I should hope you would know that you're not getting me away from him. I wouldn't leave him if my life depended on it." He moved away from me and I could swear I heard the cogs grinding together in his mind. He was going to do something. I just hoped it wasn't what I was afraid of.

I practically dragged Mello from the store when he came, refusing to let go of him until I knew we were safe. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I wanted to start looking up stuff on that Beyond Birthday guy. He seemed appeased by my answer and I at the very least tried to follow it. I couldn't find much, though I suspected there wasn't even very much to find.

The Los Angeles police, who were the first to investigate the three murders, only had a copy of a crossword puzzle and a few photos. To be honest, the guy was a freak. Three equally horrid ways to kill a person, three sets of Wara Ningyo and three loocked rooms. Plus he erased all the finger prints in the house, almost as if erasing the person's identity and existence at once. Then the whole attempted suicide bit, that was just a tad ridiculous.

But even his crimes were rather minor compared to the type Kira usually judged. Normally they were worse, maybe twenty murders, something like that. Though this guy was incredibly smart what with the clues he had left. Those were in the FBI files I found. An agent had been working on the case, Naomi Misora, though she was suspended at the time. That was…odd. I brought it to Mello's attention and he said to check why she was suspended and how she came to work on the case.

The latter was not so easy to find out. Thousands of firewalls later I found that it was actually L who had enlisted her help. Mello perked up at this. I couldn't find more since all the other files were in L's possession and there was no chance of me locating L's server, if he really had a private one – he could have mirrors in any country – let alone breaking into it. The only thing that was out of the ordinary for an FBI report was that Beyond Birthday's residence before going to L.A. was a orphanage in England. No one hand much information on the place though, which was stranger still considering it was mentioned a lot in files about other agents and employees – they had been living there before coming to the United States as well, though none of them ever mentioned anything about it.

It was past midnight when I called it quits. I didn't have work the next day but I wanted to get up when Mello did even if only for a few minutes. I curled into bed resting my head on Mello's chest as best I could while he read some psychology book that looked too thick to be held the way he was holding it.

"Mello, go to bed. You need to work tomorrow."

"No I don't. I took the day off so I could spend some time with you and the Kira case." He did?

"Oh…Will you at least go to bed? I can't sleep with the light on."

He dog-eared his book, a habit I abhorred even with the little I read – the creases were awful – and shut the light, pulling the covers over us.

"Thank you for looking up Birthday for me. I think that Wammy's place could have something to do with L, like maybe he lived there once or something."

"Well, we'll find out tomorrow won't we? Now go to sleep." I pushed myself up to kiss him once before letting my eyes slip shut and falling into the darkness of sleep.

I dreamt of an older Mello, scars littering this body, making him seem much more dangerous and surprisingly attractive than I knew him to be. I waited for him to turn and see me waiting for him, but he just stood there watching something I couldn't see. Darkness made its way up his legs, tentacles rising from it to pull him down. I started to scream but stopped when I realized the darkness, the tentacles, were arms and they were pulling me down as well. I screamed again, trying to get away from the arms and free Mello.

He turned his head, eyes sad, a scar running down the left side of his face. He smiled sadly, apologetically, at me. I called out to him.

"I'm sorry Matty."

And then the darkness consumed me.

**A/N: yay finally! it took me so long to finish typing this you have no idea. but it's up! so happy with this chapter! and if i messed up anyone reading "Another Note" i'm really sorry. i went through Death Note 13 and saw when B died and wanted to put that in here and it just made the plot (which i didn't have much of an idea of before) explode so yeah i'm gonna try and update faster now since i know what i want to get done. don't you just love B though? he's so crazy it's great.**

**so reviews rule and yeah i say the same thing everytime...**


End file.
